September 4

I find myself spread pretty thin these days, but what's worse really is this sense of psychic blindness. At some point my internal clock seems to have caught up with the present, or maybe I've just become so obsessed with the "now" that it has become harder to see into the future.

The future of what exactly? You might ask. The future of myself it seems. Perhaps this is just what getting older feels like; the steady creeping suspicion that nothing lasts forever. A concept that we can readily confront at any time, without any real sense of comprehension.

Not so with the creeping suspicion, if anything it is a prickling awareness of the reality that we can never fully understand, only experience. No matter what, everything just keeps slipping away, this has to be accepted. Probably the single most difficult thing in life to grasp.

We must at the very least accept that we cannot fully accept the crushing gravity of loss, not all at once anyway.

Has it really been an entire month? What exactly have I been doing? It's all a blur. Thousands of little things all adding up invisibly behind the scenes. I begin to get the feeling that a life without focus is one that is suddenly over. That may be convenient for people who prefer memories to discovery.

I must choose. Only one life. Having two identities is tiresome. Those are the thoughts I keep having.

I've even started to work this new sensation into my philosophy, that is how pervasive it has become. As I look out over the babbling crowd, I see this familiar theme of the eternal struggle for some form of stability. Note, I did not say "balance". It's only rational, I do not begrudge. It is because of a lack of balance that stability is in such high demand; however convincing people of this is a fool's errand.

But what kind of fool braces a house built on a sinking island? A bigger one. A desperate one. That is where we find ourselves, in this house that humanity built, desperate as all fuck just to keep it from falling over; meanwhile the water is lapping at the front porch. And what exactly would a smart person do in this situation?

Tear down the house and build a boat.

Adaptability is another one of those rather unpleasant "realities" as previously noted above. Thinking about it won't make it happen, it happens when you're not paying attention. Suddenly you must adapt. I keep thinking, that's how the universe works, things are not designed to last, they are designed to adapt.

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March 23, 2010 11:37 PM — CSS is the worst cocktease of all time. The W3C needs to be collectively bitch-slapped. Every time I try to do anything with CSS, I end up wasting about 4 hours learning that it's A) impossible. B) works 99%, with that remaining 1% ruining every other aspect of the layout. But what can ya do, rite? The internet has to be built industrial strength, or it would just explode. Okay, /rant

So, if you want to see some of the crazy shit I've been doing with CSS2/3, check out this whack, rearranged CMAP prototype, it's all "buttonized" and crap. p.s. If you're using IE (any version), don't even think about going there!

March 17, 2010 1:23 AM — Current hypothesis: The concept and practice of politics must be utterly destroyed, at all levels, and for all time. This is the single indispensable precondition for sustainable civilization.

Made on the basis of the following: "The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them." & "The only thing that can save humanity from itself is a fundamental transformation of human consciousness."

I can only speculate as to what this might mean for society, assuming it's even possible. Perhaps the absolution of the phenomenon we call consciousness. Perhaps extinction.

March 14, 2010 3:13 AM — I felt like making the site crazy for awhile.

You can still check out the cmap if you really want to. (hint: it sucks.)

Seriously, what are you still doing here? — neotoy@hotmail.com

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April 9, 2010 11:59 PM
As you can see, things have not returned to normal. Or, if you've been reading for over ten years, things have never been more normal. The only real difference between then and now, is that I'm actively saving all of these little experiments for future reference.

So, I've had a busy weekend, it's that time of year again when I get around to furiously writing up a few cmap entries, and then shortly after forgetting about it for another year or two. TBH I'm ashamed of how wretched most of them are, even the new ones that I've written / illustrated in the last year are quite crude in comparison to level of refinement I would like to be able to achieve some day.

But it really can't be helped, not so long as I continue to find my energies divided up among an infinite number of projects. Meanwhile, if you'd like to read what I've written today, here they are:

kell
dyku
coloquin
photolith
chromachron
meridian fortress
teleportation
ruby fortress

Buttons! Buttons! Magical buttons! They make everything better!

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Thursday, April 15, 12:10 AM
So.. that new tripod tool bar thing up there ↑ yeah, that ugly thing (actually it's not that bad looking), well, not only can I not turn it off, but it embeds standard 'a href' links into my page and basically fucks up my CSS; more specifically it gets all fucked up by my CSS. (not that you really should or would give a shit about any of this). The moral of the story is, I'm dropping the CSS3 buttons for now.. Thanks tripod! :/

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY 30PX FONT NOW!!! Seriously, wouldn't it be awesome if all websites used 30px font? Goodbye eyestrain! That is.. unless the font was MAGENTA!!!

Okay, the comedy routine is over for now. Don't panic, I'll be putting up something that won't burn out your retinas soon enough. neotoy@hotmail.com

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Friday, April 16, 1:52 PM
I'm so excited right now, I have some really great ideas for what I want to do with the site. Just like back in the old days, some really revolutionary type shit. Definitely getting back in the groove, getting into the true spirit of the original site; wallowing in a constant, invigorating, electrifying flux; it may be a bit confusing, but in the end it makes for a far more interesting experience. The oscillation is really low frequency, but it's stronger for it.

I've always been more-or-less transparent in the past, it's a valuable part of the learning process, so I'm going to spill the beans. Not sure how I'm going to pull it off yet but here is the basic concept: First off I'm going to entirely redo the site (no surprise there, that's how it always starts). The new structure however is going to be both exactly the same and entirely different than it's ever been before. How is this contradiction possible?

Imagine for a moment that every time you visited a familiar site it had been changed in some radical or fundamental way. It would still clearly be the same site, but it would also clearly be dramatically different than the last time you visited. This effect is very similar to the experience that is generated when a popular site is totally redesigned. Typically big sites however rarely change their core model more than once a year. My goal is to accelerate this trend by several orders of magnitude.

With a few key exceptions of course, the most important being that the "homepage" e.g. this page will become an utterly minimalistic timeline that will exist for no other reason than to serve as a visual and historical index of all the iterations of the site. I already have several ideas as to the design and functionality; the model that seems most promising is similar to a physical film strip, with each 'frame' being a thumbnail of a prototype index. Clicking on any given frame would load that version of the site. The most recent version would always be at the very top of the page.

To be continued..

neotoy@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, April 20, 12:28 AM
Sometimes I wonder if the cmap will eventually become the primary site index. It's getting a lotta all up and meta in here, what with the inclusion of a whole new tree. Tree, yeah, that's what I'm calling the little box things that contain buttons, which are actually links. But speaking of trees, this new one is all about "reality", yeah, that's right, I'm putting all of reality inside the neotoy continuum, LOL! In semantic terms that means that the real world and consequently real life have just become an aspect of neotoy. Ridiculous!

It gets especially awkward when I have to include things like this site in the connectivity map which is part of this site. Yo dawg, we put a cmap in your cmap so you can map while you map. It's like a black hole of awesome.. wait.. does that mean it's sucking up all the awesome in the universe? Or is it made of awesome, in which case.. oh never mind. I intend to move as many references to my real life as fall into the realm of good taste to this new tree. It really does make sense since neotoy is not just a continuum, but a persona as well. Or at least part of my persona.

At any rate, I've tweaked the cmap a little and added a couple of new entries. Or at least one new one. The other is from 2004! Holy shit that was six freaking years ago!

That's all for now, the next time I update this page will probably be when I roll out the new "timeline" format. Until then, cyo ~ neotoy@hotmail.com

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Thursday, May 6, 11:34 PM
Where to begin? A few thoughts, on a few things. First, the new 'layout': it's ironic, but the introduction of a device meant to accelerate the permutation process, actually slows it down. Well, that's not quite right, what I mean is that it slows down each individual release. Content continues to be generated at exactly the same pace. The reason for this is that changing an entire page schema can be a challenging, time-consuming process. While generating 'content' is relatively simple. This provides some valuable insight on formatting philosophy, which incidentally meshes nicely with my current views; namely that the less formatting employed, the better off everything is.

Second, I had something of an epiphany today regarding holistic thinking. My previous estimate of 10 years of remaining viability for human civilization seems to be coming true. When I made this prediction in 2008 it was based on my own branch of holistic science (admittedly a very vague and speculative model), however the realization I made today was that I had made the ultimate Freudian slip: in my holistic calculation I had failed to take into account the true holistic nature of the nebulous cause and effect relationships I had predicted. Fundamentally based on the inference that only 1/10 of the connectivity that allows complex systems to function is visible; therefore any calculations made with conventional science can be casually adjusted by a factor of 10 to derive a holistic approximation.

My theories however did not account for how this invisible 90% might manifest itself. Therefore I consider it an oversight of all that is meta. Here I was assuming that things like the consummate devaluation of oil would happen in a logical yet unimagined way. I had no idea that abstract circumstances could generate an acute effect via unpredictable causes! This is of course the essence of holism. I must be stupid. We could see these coming, as random as they apparently are, if only we had access to that other 90% of interrelationships.

We now have approximately 8 years left (it will be ~2018) before the ecosystem is degraded to the point where human civilization cannot exist in its current form. At that time I estimate that most of humanity will die off in a relatively short period of time. How many of us will be left? I'm sure there is a holistic calculation for that, but I haven't made it yet. Although it seems kinda pointless since my chances of survival in a post-civilization world seem fairly low.

The oil leak in the gulf is just the beginning. The consequences will of course be far more significant than anyone has dared to predict, try by a factor of 10. It may in fact be this single event that kick-starts the really scary stuff. Two words: food chain. Weather patterns are next, the atypical winds and floods have already started, atypical droughts will become apparent this winter, then predictably mega-fires in the summer. Global politics will have nothing to offer these issues, furthermore everything plausible has been poisoned by the last two centuries of reliance on hyper-consumption. People will turn to holistic science only at the last moment, but the last moment was already too late..

Third, none of that matters. Neotoy is proceeding as planned. I'm in the process of reorganizing the cmap, it really needs a lot of work. I'm faced with two challenges: 1. Bad initial structure. I made things up as a went along, consequently there is a lot of organization that doesn't make any sense. 2. Bad content. I populated specific entires with old content that wasn't entirely relevant. Whipping that into shape will be a real chore. So in short I have to produce a vastly superior structure, and then I have to populate that structure correctly with relevant entries. This is somewhat like redoing the whole thing all over again. The only good news is that I've written a lot of entires recently that are adequate and relevant to certain key structural elements. Those will most likely form the foundation of the new cmap.

That's all for now..

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Friday, May 21, 11:39 PM Another missive from the edge.

The deeper and deeper into the meta rabbit hole I go. I am trying, without any luck to create an organizational structure that will endure. A structure that is adaptable yet timeless. There are so many obstacles to this end, so far I've determined that the biggest is probably the nature of conventional Latin alphanumeric characters; namely the L to R (left to right), T to B (top to bottom) writing / reading model.

This can be further distilled down into the necessity of using more than one axis to link (connect) individual fragments of information. Linear information layout attempts to mimic this function using tabulated formatting, columns and rows (X & Y); which is great if you are only working with two axises. I on the other hand am working routinely with 1-4 axises, in rare cases I may even have more than that! This led me to the conclusion that an analog approach might suit my needs better; specifically a floating point radial graph.

It's a bit odd, but the contemporary languages used for layout (HTML, CSS) are surprisingly inflexible when it comes to changing the base orientation of the written word. Naturally there are several interim hacks that people have developed, and even a few codified attempts to establish a standard method. Sadly none of them work reliably, most are not interoperable. Radial is entirely out of the question.

Orientations aside, these layout languages are inherently inadequate for expressing complex graphs using a simple, uniform syntax. Even if the syntax were simple (which it certainly is not), it becomes a logistical nightmare to manage the invisible substructure of the formatting; here I am speaking purely in human terms, I want this data to be handcrafted, to be elegant, pristine, and articulate to the point of penetrating and infecting the hard shell of the real world on a semantic level.

Another facet of the problem is an emergent one, in reality I'm trying to create two parallel connectivity maps; one is for humans, the other is for machines (more specifically hardware-software hybrid AIs). This is not a straightforward process; the structure of the web which both humans and machines transverse has its own unavoidable foibles. URLs for example, the most recent model encourages "friendly" URLs that include human-readable natural language.

This is opposed to the previous model that favored compact illegible strings both randomly generated and sequential. Natural language relies on spaces, URLs are space phobic. Using special characters like the dash or underscore to mitigate these limitations introduces its own set of complications. Ultimately however making these kinds of compromises does nothing besides expose the profound stupidity of using a puerile organizational structure that clearly has no future; is not scalable, is not modular, is not sustainable, is not symbolic beyond symbolizing failure.

All these factors become very problematic when combined. They are only cementing the realization in my mind that I must crack this problem before I can continue with the minutia of my continuum. Structure must be established at the most rudimentary level, just like with fractals or weaving, countless natural systems, organic, crystalline, the parallels are unavoidable: organizational structure is the key to everything, it unlocks all the consecutive doors, it connects all the planes, it is the one, true, universal language.

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2010 June 27 - A brief synopsis of recent events

I'm now making enough money via Google AdSense to finance a tripod plan upgrade (about $30 USD / month if you can believe that!); this means that most of the ads will go away (all of them eventually). I'll be honest, tripod is not economically competitive with other hosting services (they don't even support PHP yet), but it does have one advantage that is an absolute necessity for me: pretty good anonymity. Also I feel a bit of loyalty towards a reliable service I've been using for over ten years, so it's not an unwilling compromise.

This new indexing system that I'm using absolutely rocks. I finally feel like I've reached the level of visual and functional optimization that I was after all along.. there are still a few tweaks I'd like to make as time allows, and as HTML5 becomes more ubiquitous and hopefully useful; but for now, this just feels right. As for all the deeper pages, well, that is more of a work in progress. The cmap is coming along nicely, I've added quite a few new entries in the last couple of months.

I think it's far more significant to note that neotoy itself as a concept and as a continuum has been reaching all new levels of refinement in my psyche, which is ultimately the only place that it will ever be able to fully come to fruition. The characters especially have continued to evolve in accord with my own personal learning experience. I hope that one day, when I'm actually ready to unleash them upon the world, they will seem so real and individually complex that I will be able to tell the story of neotoy almost exclusively via each character's unique point of view.

In regards to the real world, I'm in the process of learning the most painful lesson of all: how to let go. Admittedly, this is not something that you ever learn completely, but have to face continually throughout life in varying degrees. Specifically for me I struggle routinely with the paradox of living in a world where "change" must be more than just a catchy campaign slogan, in order for there to be a future; and yet there is nothing in this world short of catastrophe that can facilitate the kind of change we need. This is a gross oversimplification I realize, but more or less accurate.

We have reached a point as a civilization where we are all increasingly faced with the realization that we have lost the collective ability to control the infrastructure that determines our quality of life. At this point there is really no option besides letting go of our attachment to an unsustainable way of living, and accepting the fact that the situation has become exceptionally dire. Right now our self-appointed world 'leaders' are in Canada attempting to solve the unsolvable riddle: How do we reconcile unsustainable growth with ever diminishing natural resources?

The tragedy here is not that this puzzle has led to a high-level dialog, but that it has become abundantly clear that we can't implement a solution even if one is found. In truth, as a species we've never tempered our fate with any measure of foresight, we've merely done whatever we wanted at the time and then suffered the soul crushing consequences at a later date. Never has this been more true than it is today. In conclusion, I find it exceedingly difficult to rationalize any investment in our ideologically bankrupt society. Change is coming all right, but not the kind we had in mind..

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2010 July 20 ☆ Neotoy Manga ☆ Frame 000000 to 000001



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July 27: purged ads from all pages. The beauty of analytics: knowing when things are being useful and when they're just taking up space. Initially I added them because I thought it might generate a little more revenue, thereby further mitigating my hosting costs, but as it turns out 100% of my AdSense money is coming from my glorious YouTube channel.

Speaking of ads, specifically Google's ad empire.. I've seen it from all sides now, and I have to say, once again my mind is blown by the pure insanity of creative capitalism (or whatever the fuck you want to call it). Bravo Google, bravo.. bravo for making fools of us all. The oldest trick in the book really:

1. Take two natural enemies, trick them into fighting each other.
2. Sell weapons to both sides.
3. ???
4. Profit!

Yeah that's right, Google is nothing more than an information age arms dealer. And that's really the premise of capitalism, and everything that's wrong with the modern world; this fundamental idea that monetizing desperation and milking scarcity will lead to progress. It won't, it will lead to poverty, it is poverty.

Now I know I said that I was going to refrain from dabbling in politics this year.. but as it turns out, that is just plain impossible.

God, fuck. Have you been watching the news lately? If not, don't. Nothing good will come of it.

One of the grand ironies of the age: never, never in recorded history has raw information been so plentiful and accessible, nor have so many people been involved in consuming and regurgitating it. Inversely, never at any time in recent memory has this meant less than it does right now.

Afghanistan: a war we can't possibly fucking win. Why are we there? Because war is the most profitable business in the world.. until the economy collapses anyway. (see above).

Arizona: when is "illegal" not illegal? When your economy depends on slave labor! Yo dawg, I herd you like laws, so we put a law in yo law so you can enforce while u enforce. (see above).

BP: capitalism promotes sociopaths to the highest positions of power and influence, then does nothing when it is revealed that they are indeed the cancer of civilization. Tony Hayward gets a 1.6 million dollar "severance" (read transfer to Russia where it's business as usual), then a 1 million per year pension once he turns 60. What do we get, what does the gulf of Mexico get? Permanently fucked, that's what. (see above).

Obama: when is "change" not change? (see above).

Fuck this cancer planet.
/rant